June 11
Eating in China is an experience. It goes beyond just being able to order because as I said they giver foreigners those nifty picture menus. Getting western silverware is a completely different story. Spoons, no problem -- those are used all the time for shared dishes and soups or noodles --- forks and knives though are something you have to bring along with you if you are completely chopstick incompetent. Yes, I have in fact seen some stupid touri whip these out in restaurants. None of the servers say anything, but you can just see the looks of "are you stupid" flashing across their face. To be fair if I saw someone use chopsticks to eat at a restaurant in St. Louis, I feel the same expression would flash across my face.
I thankfully, am not chopstick incompetent, but would rate myself about a 10 year old level. The chopsticks are no longer unwieldy, but I just don't have the muscle memory dexterity of an adult. Rice, meat and vegetables are no problem. Dumplings are still slippery little things that I chase about the plate like when eating English peas with a fork. Fish is a chocking hazard, and perhaps the most inelegant thing I have ever eaten in my life. My idiot self bit into the fish piece to find that it was not de-boned. This of course led to much coughing, spitting, and general terrible table manners. I excuse myself on this account as I have never, ever come across a 1 inch by 2 inch square of fish served to me with the bones still in it. The fun, really then began since I still had more fish -- quite tasty too --- but now I had to pick the flesh from the bones with chopsticks. Thankfully, no one has a picture of any of this because it took me ages and two beers to finish four of these. Definitely something to avoid till I a) get better with chopsticks or b) learn to ask if the fish is de-boned.
Now for the grand finale of why I am apologizing to my Grandmother from half the world away. Every single thing she spent years teaching me about how to sit, chew, eat, talk, and generally comport myself when partaking of sustenance has to be ignored here. If I don't slurp, smack, or make another appreciative noise when eating my food at my host family's dinner table, I will not be served that dish again! In restaurants, the servers look at me (can't decide if it's because I am Western or just all customers yet) to see how much I enjoy my meal. Clearing your plate apparently, is not a sign of appreciation. If I don't slouch with my mouth directly over my noodle bowl, I will splatter myself with the juicy sauce or peppers clinging to the noodles waiting to delight my mouth and clear out my sinuses. Elbows on the table, leaning over means that you are intent on your company. Slouched back with you belly jutting out, and in the male case the belly exposed from the shirt or the shirt completly removed means you are completely satiated, the food was excellent, and now you just want to enjoy the company around you in blissful relaxation. Overall, I must do exactly the opposite of what my Grandmother instructed and I am golden. So Grandma, I apologize, but know that I still remember all of it -- and hopefully still will in a year.
One add on. I think I figured out a way to share my albums without email invites. Follow these links and hopefully you will find photos. If not --- sorry, you will just have to email me.
https://plus.google.com/photos/108488715129842232914/albums/5887253109400706513?authkey=COzJu4fi58_efw
https://plus.google.com/photos/108488715129842232914/albums/5886386155197602513?authkey=CPGSgf-50ubyjQE
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